thoughts from a bklyn gal

Tag: life

  • wisdom from strangers

    wisdom from strangers

    You can reveal your truest form to strangers, because what you say remains inconsequential to their lives. You are nothing, so you can be everything.

    So, sauntering the streets of Europe at night, I found it the very best time to find interesting people. Because with the lack of light, what was hidden in the shadows seemed to show itself.  At least, this was true in my case. 

    I got the opportunity to meet people that made me reconsider some “facts” that I accepted for a majority of my life. And I want to share them here because frankly, I can’t stop thinking about it. 

    Mr. Tennis: 

    I met Mr. Tennis after attending my housemates’ soccer match. He seemed unassumingly normal, but after an unexpectedly long walk to the bus station (all of the metros close down at midnight in Barcelona during the week), we got to talking and I figured out more about him –and myself– than I had ever thought. 

    Mr. Tennis was given that name for a reason, having been signed to play in the US at the age of 13 and leaving his family in Morocco. After a successful college career, we now met in Barcelona where he was an entrepreneur of some sort. During that night, and the next when he took me to dinner, I had the most inspiring conversations of my life (not to give men all the credit, he could be pretty imposing and annoying at times) that I will carry for a long time. 

    When I told him about my career goals, he didn’t wish me luck or speak to me in the half-encouraging half I-know-you-won’t make-it voice. He told me “then do it”. I responded, saying I wanted to, but I was afraid. And then he said: 

    “If you’re scared that means keep going”.

    We kept walking, and my friends kept laughing. He said it so nonchalantly, I could have tuned him out, but what I heard changed something in me. 

    And he was right. Because if you’re scared, it means you want it so bad you would be distraught if you lost it. It means you need it to survive, it is a part of you. So, it means you have to move with the fear and the dedication alongside you to seize what you want, and keep going. To fight for yourself. 

    …

    The Bejeweled Lover: 

    Smoking a performative cigarette outside of a live jazz bar in Florence, the Bejeweled Lover made himself known to me through slight glances, then full-on conversation. Though I had only just met this long-haired indie man decked head-to-toe in turquoise crystals, he felt the need to immediately tell me about his past loves, which is where it always gets juicy. 

    “I was seeing someone in California, but it ended because of the distance,” he said with a cigarette hanging lazily from his lip.

     I could tell he was trying to sleep with me. It wasn’t working. I sympathized with him, then murmured some polite saying because under his guise, he did look genuinely upset.

    “You’re so lucky,” is what he said next.  

    “How so?” I replied, caught off guard by his readiness to wish to switch positions without even knowing my last name. 

    “You’re young. And when you’re young you recover faster, from heartbreak.” he said hungrily, as if wanting to suck his youth back while thinking of whatever he thought was lost now. 

    I thought for a long time after that. My friends were deep in other conversations, so I was left to fend this philosophical battle on my own. 

    Though I did not fully agree, I took his words rather as a romantic mantra to always keep your head up. Because you can regenerate. Maybe not as fast as the skin cells on your hand, but you regrow into someone new. Because you don’t stop changing, ever. 

    Maybe that is a scary thing, but I choose to see it in a way that lets me recover and keep going, stronger than before.

    …

    The wisest words are often spoken as a whisper from someone you will never meet again. So keep your ears open and keep exploring. 

  • endings with no endings?

    endings with no endings?

    My new goal for this year is to learn how to watch movies differently. 

    Let me explain. 

    As a viewer, I get very attached to the characters who I have been living with for the past 90 to 120 minutes. I want them to win and succeed because I see myself in these fake people – which is the whole point of movies. And I want the ending to be what I want, which is simple: rainbows and butterflies, of course. 

    Watching movies is a break from real life, as a friend of mine recently stated in an article. And I couldn’t agree more. Letting other people live their lives and make their mistakes takes the weight off of your shoulders for a brief moment to sit back and enjoy all of life, without any of the responsibility.

    So, when this desired finale is not followed through by the end of the film, I am left disappointed. A happy ending is preferred, a sad ending is upsetting, but the worst of them all is the open-ended one. 

    Not having a proper conclusion means that it could have gone good or bad, ended up how I wanted it to or not, with no guarantee of either one. And losing that definitive answer means that things are left to the imagination, one where things could quickly turn sour. 

    However, put In this context, when the ending is unclear, it actually becomes the realest part of the movie. Because my life does not end with a wedding or a reunion or a graduation, it always keeps going. It is always unclear and open-ended. And in open-endings, I am faced with what actually scares me the most: uncertainty. When I am trying to escape reality, I end up being confronted by it again. 

    So, realizing this, this year it will be different. This year, instead of dreading not knowing, I am going to embrace the possibilities.

    New obstacles and mysterious paths are the truest endings to movies that mimic reality, and in it, there is something that we can learn from, not run from. 

  • what is the difference between a coincidence and a sign? 

    what is the difference between a coincidence and a sign? 

    Recently, I have started to notice things. The song I had associated with a specific event in my life kept popping up. And to be honest, the first thing I thought was that it had to be a sign.

    Then, I kept seeing the same words over and over and over again. After that, the same conversations would happen on repeat with different people. These tiny instances began to feel like little nudges from the universe. I took this to mean that I had gotten an answer for a question I was deliberating. Like it was trying to tell me something–even lead me down a specific path. I mean this was the only possibility, right? 

    But when I told my friends my new observations and that the universe was obviously  trying to tell me something, they were quick to shake their heads in disagreement. Clearly I sounded like a crazy person, and what I had been seeing were just coincidences, they said. But it felt like a message to me, a deeply personal one.

    So where do we draw the line? When do the numbers we see stop being ‘angel numbers’ and start to be just random clusters of twos and threes. 11:11 happens twice a day, so really how much of a ‘sign’ is it that you saw it in the first place? 

    For me, when I start to observe this repetition in my life, it feels like a distant whisper trying to give me guidance. Corny, but true. I was given a word, and I have to look deeper into these ‘signs’ to complete the sentence. 

    But, this repetition was also a reflection of my current thoughts as well. What was troubling my nightmares was pasted onto my waking life. Because when I saw these signs, it reminded me of something I was afraid to let go. Or something I was already thinking of doing. I wanted to feel in control.

    Good memories or fear overruled my rational thought. So seeing a confirmation of what I wanted to hear kept me tied to what I was already doing (whether that was good or bad). It made me feel comfortable in spaces that sometimes no longer served me anymore.  

    Put it in a wider context. 

    Our world is bursting with a constant flow of information from our phones, TVs, advertisements and more. We cannot pay attention to everything all at once, so we naturally will gravitate towards what interests us. So when our brain chooses to see certain patterns or information in our daily lives, does this mean that we are in tune with the universe – or just our unconscious mind piquing its interest in what we are watching?

    The whole debate of whether ‘signs’ and manifesting exist in the first place is incessant. I still am a firm believer of the whole spiritual gig. But when I started to categorize events in my life as signs, I began to close myself in. So take everything with an analytical eye, and a grain of salt.

    Maybe, what I saw was a sign from the Universe. Or maybe my brain was just holding on.

  • easy things are ruining our lives

    easy things are ruining our lives

    I have heard this sentence come from my mother’s mouth more than I can count. But I think now she is right. The easy things in our lives are actually diminishing our quality of life, both physically and intellectually. 

    First, ChatGPT. It is the main source of all information among teens. While on vacation, I saw how many young adults were hooked on GPT’s overflowing knowledge, simplifying Google’s user experience even more, which shook the world with its easy usage in the first place. I see my cousin use ChatGPT as the Holy Grail to search up anything she wants as it combines multiple searches on the internet into three, easy, bolded sentences. I see her talk to it as a friend to get advice on drama and boys and school. It is a hub of everything you need, and it slowly destroys you. 

    This software, I think, will easily replace the innate need to search for anything ourselves in the first place. I mean, why would you? The answer is only one click away.Instead of reading, or thinking, we type. And this transition has already begun. In addition to breaking down creativity, it is also destroying our environment, emitting 8.4 tons of carbon monoxide into the atmosphere per year. So it is not only feeding into our laziness, but the decline of our planet.

    Next, social media. As an avid user I can say that I am fully in Meta’s grasp, sorry!  Though Instagram and TikTok and whatnot give us a way to stay connected, it is really just another bandaid to ease our boredom. A recent conversation I had with my boyfriend helped me understand this. He told me social media is used to escape whatever we are feeling in the moment, to numb our thoughts. I don’t think I could agree more. When I am in groups, I see how quickly teens switch to their phones of the conversation lulls. My cousin told me her favorite pastime is scrolling through TikTok’s endless feeds. Not a single subway train I have been on has more than one person not on their phone–including myself. 

    It may not seem too alarming, but slowly, this dependence on social media to feed us content will replace our needs to think, be present, or even just be bored. Does this mean I will stop using Instagram completely? Uhm.. probably not. But I definitely am trying to rely on it less. 

    I think the conclusion to this is that technology is man’s greatest creation and ultimate downfall (I am currently writing this on my computer…). And we have to eventually find the perfect balance and learning when to do the basic labors of daily life and when to turn to tech to help us out. Sometimes, being uncomfortable or being challenged can benefit you. 

  • who are you?

    who are you?

    When we are trying to “find” ourselves, we branch out in every which way. I remember when I was going through my own mini identity crisis (heavy winged eyeliner, dyed money pieces, forcing myself to listen to AC/DC) I tried to fit myself into different friendgroups. I tried to force myself into places and make it work, which was the equivalent of trying to pull a door that says “push”. Stupid analogy, but you get the idea. 

    It got to the point where I felt so disoriented from the world around me. Kids would be moshing at local teen rock bands looking like they were having the ultimate euphoria, and I was just trying to plug my nose and stop smelling sweat without people noticing. I wanted to fit in so badly, but in the end, I came to terms that even though AC/DC is an iconic band(don’t get me wrong) I hated listening to more 15 minutes.

    But, having that experience didn’t leave me with nothing. I made one friend through who I am still close with, and a new appreciation for The Doors, a band I can actually listen to! 

    I was a little embarrassed I couldn’t properly fit into that crowd. And, as time went on, I tried to blend into other groups, and again, would fail. I wanted to assimilate so badly, I realized that I was trying to give up parts of myself to sacrifice for friendship(a big no-no, do NOT recommend)

    But instead of viewing it as a failure, I tried to view it as something new I could learn from. I could say: Hey, I tried that, and it was not for me.  

    I think everyone needs phases like this. First, it gives you something to look back on in your photos and thank the heavens you don’t look like that anymore. And second, it gives you a deeper relationship to yourself, and maybe one step closer to figuring out who you are. And that is always more fun than trying to force a friend.