thoughts from a bklyn gal

Author: Derin A.

  • what is the difference between a coincidence and a sign? 

    what is the difference between a coincidence and a sign? 

    Recently, I have started to notice things. The song I had associated with a specific event in my life kept popping up. And to be honest, the first thing I thought was that it had to be a sign.

    Then, I kept seeing the same words over and over and over again. After that, the same conversations would happen on repeat with different people. These tiny instances began to feel like little nudges from the universe. I took this to mean that I had gotten an answer for a question I was deliberating. Like it was trying to tell me something–even lead me down a specific path. I mean this was the only possibility, right? 

    But when I told my friends my new observations and that the universe was obviously  trying to tell me something, they were quick to shake their heads in disagreement. Clearly I sounded like a crazy person, and what I had been seeing were just coincidences, they said. But it felt like a message to me, a deeply personal one.

    So where do we draw the line? When do the numbers we see stop being ‘angel numbers’ and start to be just random clusters of twos and threes. 11:11 happens twice a day, so really how much of a ‘sign’ is it that you saw it in the first place? 

    For me, when I start to observe this repetition in my life, it feels like a distant whisper trying to give me guidance. Corny, but true. I was given a word, and I have to look deeper into these ‘signs’ to complete the sentence. 

    But, this repetition was also a reflection of my current thoughts as well. What was troubling my nightmares was pasted onto my waking life. Because when I saw these signs, it reminded me of something I was afraid to let go. Or something I was already thinking of doing. I wanted to feel in control.

    Good memories or fear overruled my rational thought. So seeing a confirmation of what I wanted to hear kept me tied to what I was already doing (whether that was good or bad). It made me feel comfortable in spaces that sometimes no longer served me anymore.  

    Put it in a wider context. 

    Our world is bursting with a constant flow of information from our phones, TVs, advertisements and more. We cannot pay attention to everything all at once, so we naturally will gravitate towards what interests us. So when our brain chooses to see certain patterns or information in our daily lives, does this mean that we are in tune with the universe – or just our unconscious mind piquing its interest in what we are watching?

    The whole debate of whether ‘signs’ and manifesting exist in the first place is incessant. I still am a firm believer of the whole spiritual gig. But when I started to categorize events in my life as signs, I began to close myself in. So take everything with an analytical eye, and a grain of salt.

    Maybe, what I saw was a sign from the Universe. Or maybe my brain was just holding on.

  • lessons of love

    lessons of love

    What is love at its core? 

    This is a question people have been asking for centuries–and maybe the answer lies in what’s already been said. My class just started reading The Aeneid. Obviously, a very important book. My professor went on to explain the book goes through wars, travel, the usual spiel. But he also talked about Aeneas and Dido, he mentioned their love and how readers latched on to their story, basically turning them into a trope–just search up the opera version.

    While reading about how Aeneas had to leave Dido, I was left confused. Dido fell in love with Aeneas, but all she was describing was something dark and horrifying, not at all the swooping excitement I think of as describing “love”. From the moment the narrative identifies her feeling as “love”,  she becomes unhappy, and her feelings become spoiled with something bordering malicious. Which makes me think, was Dido in love or in pain? Or are they the same thing? 

    “Cursed love, you make us stoop to anything.” Dido says. Is that all what love is to a person? Something that blinds us from reality, makes us do things out of our character. When we are in love, do we lose control of ourselves? Dido’s love not only made her wish death upon her lover, but also drove her to suicide. To her, love is something that breaks the soul instead of nourishing it. Is love essentially “the first day of death, the first cause of ruin”? 

    In a way, Dido is right. Being in love is giving wholly to a person, without a guarantee of getting it back. That is what imprisoned her: love became a force that only takes but never gives. And that can drive anyone crazy. 

    “Aeneas…haunted her thoughts. His face and words lodged in her heart. Love let her find no rest in sleep” Dido continues.

    Love is an ominous thing. It exposes a different part of ourselves, parts we may not want to see. But does this archeological excavation into ourselves reveal who we truly are, or just who we become when we are in love with another person? In The Aeneid, we see that love turns us rotten and broken, something needing to be freed. Love cages Dido and essentially leads to her demise. She couldn’t live with a broken heart, so she couldn’t live at all. 

    In a way, love is pain. You are putting your emotions at risk for another person. Of course, there are great parts to being in love. But, it seems, you are always teetering on the edge of a cliff. Never knowing when you might fall, or when the other person may let go.  

  • easy things are ruining our lives

    easy things are ruining our lives

    I have heard this sentence come from my mother’s mouth more than I can count. But I think now she is right. The easy things in our lives are actually diminishing our quality of life, both physically and intellectually. 

    First, ChatGPT. It is the main source of all information among teens. While on vacation, I saw how many young adults were hooked on GPT’s overflowing knowledge, simplifying Google’s user experience even more, which shook the world with its easy usage in the first place. I see my cousin use ChatGPT as the Holy Grail to search up anything she wants as it combines multiple searches on the internet into three, easy, bolded sentences. I see her talk to it as a friend to get advice on drama and boys and school. It is a hub of everything you need, and it slowly destroys you. 

    This software, I think, will easily replace the innate need to search for anything ourselves in the first place. I mean, why would you? The answer is only one click away.Instead of reading, or thinking, we type. And this transition has already begun. In addition to breaking down creativity, it is also destroying our environment, emitting 8.4 tons of carbon monoxide into the atmosphere per year. So it is not only feeding into our laziness, but the decline of our planet.

    Next, social media. As an avid user I can say that I am fully in Meta’s grasp, sorry!  Though Instagram and TikTok and whatnot give us a way to stay connected, it is really just another bandaid to ease our boredom. A recent conversation I had with my boyfriend helped me understand this. He told me social media is used to escape whatever we are feeling in the moment, to numb our thoughts. I don’t think I could agree more. When I am in groups, I see how quickly teens switch to their phones of the conversation lulls. My cousin told me her favorite pastime is scrolling through TikTok’s endless feeds. Not a single subway train I have been on has more than one person not on their phone–including myself. 

    It may not seem too alarming, but slowly, this dependence on social media to feed us content will replace our needs to think, be present, or even just be bored. Does this mean I will stop using Instagram completely? Uhm.. probably not. But I definitely am trying to rely on it less. 

    I think the conclusion to this is that technology is man’s greatest creation and ultimate downfall (I am currently writing this on my computer…). And we have to eventually find the perfect balance and learning when to do the basic labors of daily life and when to turn to tech to help us out. Sometimes, being uncomfortable or being challenged can benefit you. 

  • facetune:here to stay?

    facetune:here to stay?

    In my time back from college, I have been back on the subways a lot. And I have been seeing something very strange. Everywhere I go, anytime I sit down, I am surrounded by Facetune ads. 

    This posed a dilemma for me: in the age of influencers being split between filters and being “natural”, which side will eventually win? Will our world lead us back to natural beauty, or will we be consumed in perfection and let the facade take over? 

    I have been seeing a lot of new influencers pop up, and the new way to get popular is from preaching about health and going back to a more “natural” self. While these influencers are slowly growing, the grasp that filters have on the internet is still ubiquitous. 

    But in the end, which will survive? Bellbottoms used to rule the world, and they made a comeback too. The world moves in and out of phases–is editing our pictures one of them? 

    I think that the most realistic option for a world relying more and more on technology, editing our pictures will only become easier and harder to tell. But eventually, hopefully, we might phase out of it abd enter a new era or reclaiming the natural.

  • shoes are the gateway to the soul

    shoes are the gateway to the soul

    I recently saw a post online about Bella Hadid telling an interviewer about one thing that can tell a lot about a person: shoes. 

    And let me tell you, I agree completely. 

    a person’s shoes are very important. It will essentially make or break you as a person. It is also my biggest pet peeve. 

    Okay, that might seem a little harsh, but in my mind, this is the way the world works:

    If you have good shoes, it means you KNOW how to dress yourself. But if what you wear down there is bad…may God save you now. 

    If someone wears nice shoes it constitutes a level of understanding on how you present yourself to others in combination with the social awareness and tracking of style. Especially for men, it helps people understand if you know how to look nice. This mentality doesn’t end with the feet, it shows how you treat yourself, how you dress yourself, your lifestyle, your LIFE. It is everything. 

    Good shoes=good life 

    I think there are many indicators into figuring out who someone is deep down. How they treat their parents, how much they gossip, who their friends are. And, it should  all starts with the shoes. It can give you more information about the new friend/boyfriend/anything that you are going to start. It factors into your identity, and my opinion on this will never change.

    The next time you see someone and are trying to figure out if they’re normal or not, just look down. 

  • obsession within kafka

    obsession within kafka

    I recently finished The Trial by Franz Kafka. Did it take me 6 months? Yes. But it’s done now! 

    I don’t need to say how important this book is. Even though it was originally unfinished, the messages about modern government and life are timeless. But you already know this–and I am not here to preach to the choir. I want to talk about what I noticed while reading: obsession. Everyone in this narrative was after only one thing, everyone was in their own world. 

    Though we only follow the strict narrative of Joseph K, I think that we can quickly pick up on the strong internal lives of the other characters. When we examine them, we can see that Kafka, on top of painting a strong delusional yet grounded reality, shows that people are always striving after one thing in life. 

    In K’s life, his trial quickly becomes his whole reality–as seen similarly with Block, another accused man later in the story. K’s reality becomes poisoned by his case and the he states that it starts inhibiting him from doing anything with his life. He has stopped almost all social interactions, he has stopped seeing his mistress, he can no longer focus at his job and is quickly falling behind, and most importantly… he is losing his passion for life.

    Similarly, the Assistant Manager at K’s workplace, has only one sole purpose: taking K’s job. He is always seen snooping around K’s office, trying to outdo hom, etc. Leni, the servant of K’s lazy lawyer, is obsessed with male attention from accused men. Her attention is turned towards the clients of her employer. And, the list goes on. 

    Through this story, Kafka has helped me come to terms with something that is very relatable in everyone’s life. Obsession is everywhere, it is a natural human behavior. And it is not always a negative thing. Sometimes it can push us to achieve our goals and change our lives. But they can easily hold us back. 

    By examining these characters’ tendencies, we can observe that obsession can easily begin to harm us. Leni never fully gets the attention she wants by latching onto others, Block never makes progress, and K’s life only gets worse. 

    What Kafka’s book has showed me is that we have to fill our lives with more than one thing, or else we get stuck, just like K. We let our obsessions rule our lives and let it become us, a dangerous but very easy thing that can happen. We let external factors rule us, instead of being the ruler of our own lives. And in the process, we ruin ourselves.

    Maybe this is not the initial message that Kafka was intending, but it is still an important thought to keep in mind. Just food for thought.

  • who are you?

    who are you?

    When we are trying to “find” ourselves, we branch out in every which way. I remember when I was going through my own mini identity crisis (heavy winged eyeliner, dyed money pieces, forcing myself to listen to AC/DC) I tried to fit myself into different friendgroups. I tried to force myself into places and make it work, which was the equivalent of trying to pull a door that says “push”. Stupid analogy, but you get the idea. 

    It got to the point where I felt so disoriented from the world around me. Kids would be moshing at local teen rock bands looking like they were having the ultimate euphoria, and I was just trying to plug my nose and stop smelling sweat without people noticing. I wanted to fit in so badly, but in the end, I came to terms that even though AC/DC is an iconic band(don’t get me wrong) I hated listening to more 15 minutes.

    But, having that experience didn’t leave me with nothing. I made one friend through who I am still close with, and a new appreciation for The Doors, a band I can actually listen to! 

    I was a little embarrassed I couldn’t properly fit into that crowd. And, as time went on, I tried to blend into other groups, and again, would fail. I wanted to assimilate so badly, I realized that I was trying to give up parts of myself to sacrifice for friendship(a big no-no, do NOT recommend)

    But instead of viewing it as a failure, I tried to view it as something new I could learn from. I could say: Hey, I tried that, and it was not for me.  

    I think everyone needs phases like this. First, it gives you something to look back on in your photos and thank the heavens you don’t look like that anymore. And second, it gives you a deeper relationship to yourself, and maybe one step closer to figuring out who you are. And that is always more fun than trying to force a friend. 

  • carrie makes me a shopaholic

    carrie makes me a shopaholic

    ***

    I love Sex and the City. But what do I love even more–the clothes.That may be an obvious answer to anyone who is a fan of the show, but it’s the truth. Though some outfits are questionable to say the least, Carrie(and the other girls) know how to rock a fit. However, I have seen how clothes can become a ruling factor in Carrie’s life. This poses a question for me: if clothes are a gateway to the personality, when does it become overbearing? And when does the overconsumption start affecting us, the viewers and what we take away from it? 

    Carrie’s clothes are a big part of the show. Her NYC glamour is tied into her sense of style and is an important part of her character. But it is also a token of overconsumption. 

    I think we can all relate to this as well. I can’t count on my hand how many times I have bought a new shirt because I thought it was cute, evne if I had ones that were similar. Even though I have too many anyway a my closet is literally bursting. But it didn’t stop me from buying things. When I am relaying this story, I think many people can relate and find no problem with it, but that is where we go wrong. If we take a deeper look at this behavior it’s almost toxic. Buying becomes a need to us. 

    This is where SATC comes in. Shows like this, which glamorize buying things even when your bank account can’t handle it, even if it’s not the right thing to do, even if you have too much, are reinforcing our behavior. When I see Carrie, a grown adult, spend her earnings on another pair of shoes, I don’t see anything wrong with what I’m doing. I use her behavior to rationalize my own. This, I’m guessing, is not just a me problem.

    I think we can see in our society today how much purchasing has become a part of life. All the ads around us are begging us to give in to their newest product which will save us. And the trend of maximalism, where everyone is exploding with clothing and jewlery, is only on the rise. 

    Overconsumption is all around us. Everyone needs the new waterbottle, the new phone, blah blah. It’s in the advertisements we consume, the TikToks we watch, and the shows we binge. And we give in. How can we not? It’s right in front of us, and we have been conditioned into it without even knowing it. And it puts us in a lack mindset, where we always think we don’t have enough.  

    I say, we need to adopt a new trend. I don’t think we can give up maximalism, because realistically, that is not likely to happen when the rest of the world is heading towards spending until their heads drop. What we need to do is spend with purpose. Before buying, stop and think. Do I really want this? Can I see myself wearing it or using it? I am not claiming this philosophy as my own,I have heard many other people approach their lifestyle in this manner. But, they do have a point.

    Don’t get me wrong–Sex and the City is one of my favorite shows. It’s fun and always an easy watch-well, excluding some Carrie and Big moments.

    I am not trying to use this as a diss toward the show, by all means, keep watching ( I am currently rewatching it with friends). But remember this: What we see on TV can influence our behaviors in real life in a negative way. Even the ones we least expect. Don’t forget to separate yourself from the screen, I know I need to. 

  • welcome!

    welcome!

    first post, kind of nervous!

    Hi! 

    I am thrilled you stopped by my blog! 

    I created this space as a way to share some thoughts and observations from my life. I also want to use this space discuss books, films, friends, music–and whatever else is on my mind. 

    I am currently a full-time college student, and, as per the name, live in Brooklyn when I am not at school. After spending years using my notes app and my journal to jot down the thoughts I had, I wanted to develop these ideas and put them out there. Who knows, it may resonate with some people, or at least give them something to think about.  

    My goal is to create an entertaining space you can use to get away for a couple minutes from the bustle of everyday life. 

    Keep reading, you’re in the right place! 

    Derin